Confessions of a Maid
by Dale Z. Larmint
Summary: This is based on an ongoing joke between my best friend and I. It was at of our many RPs with the characters of Naruto. It is not to be taken seriously. This is what happens when you're a maid for Gaara. Rated T for some language, and contains OCs that break the fourth wall a lot.
1. Punishment How it Began

**Alright, so let's see how this goes. Again, this is not at all serious. **

**I don't own anything that sounds familiar. Don't sue me.**

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**Punishment**

It was much too hot for any human being to survive out here. The air was hot and Miharu's shirt clung to her skin; her layered brown hair nothing more than a messy wet mop and the whole thing was making her mumble and complain. She was on her way to the Sunagakure, the Sand Village, and crossing the desert wasn't easy.

"It's soOOOOOOooooooo HOT!" She panted, lifted one of her chained hands to her brow to wipe off the sweat. "And my feet hurt." She dragged her sandals on the hot sand still hunched over.

Two ninjas were escorting her to the Kazekage's Manor, a blonde and a short black haired male.

"I offered to carry you over here didn't I?" The blonde one said. His arms were behind his head taking in the sun.  
"That's alright Naruto, 'sides it would tire you out." Miharu said.

"She's also too fat and would break your arms if you even tried since you're weak." The black haired ninja faked a smiled.

"DID YOU JUST CALL ME FAT?" Miharu charged at him but was held back with chains by Naruto.

"Calm down Miharu, hey..hey wait a minute. HEY I'M NOT WEAK!" Naruto snorted.

The brunette sighed, "Why did you even come here in the first place you traitor?" She glared at Sai remembereing how she was carried away to safety when it turned out the ninja was turning her in.

"Well Miharu, you DID jump into his arms yelling 'SAVE ME' when the Black Ops were closing in on you."

Miharu scowled, "That's not how it happened at all! As she opened up her mouth to explain it, she conjured up a flashback.

**_Five hours earlier_**

Two girls were walking in the forest of Konoha. "So you're really going to destroy your pfff," she stifled a laugh, "hideout?" The black haired girl grinned, constantly reminding Miharu how wrong it sounded to her.

"Jeez Chiaki! Stop thinking like that you perv! You know good and well that I like digging and exploring my secret hideout and it does NOT have any double meaning whatsoever!" Miharu stopped in front of a bush.

"Rrrrrrrrrrrright." Chiaki joked.

Miharu sighed as she removed the false bush away revealing a medium sized hole, big enough to crawl into.  
"If you wrote your whole action right now, it would sound soooo wrong." Chiaki grinned.

"Shut up and just-just stay here as a look out!" Miharu grumbled and began crawling in.

Her friend froze shuddering slightly, "S-Stay out her? A-Alone? But what if HE comes to get me?" Chiaki thought about how creepy Sai was with her, fake smiling and making shrines in her honor.

"He won't come…besides I'll blow him up if he does. Later then!" Miharu crawled in and slipped down the hole landing on her feet with a soft thud.

"I should've added some more lanterns or something, this is ridiculous. I can't see past my nose...I'll turn on my flashlight then."  
She clicked it on and saw a face before her.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" A long haired male blinked.

"!" Miharu yelled at Neji's face and ran away from him, well she thought she was. Neji held her in place.

"Will you stop yelling? You're giving me a headache!" Neji glared at her and the girl closed her mouth, her eyes still wide.

"U-um…hello Neji. Er…you're not still mad about the hole in the wall I made in your manor are you?" Miharu smiled weakly.

Neji growled, "No…but you almost blowing me up with a pumpkin bomb, yes, and now…NOW I FIND THAT THIS TUNNEL LEADS TO MY MANOR AND ALL UNDER KONOHA!"

Miharu sheepishly laughed, "Well you know… I like to travel unnoticed, since I don't bother anyone. It's pretty easy and stuff…."

"Do you realize that if anyone finds this tunneling system, we can easily be infiltrated by enemy ninjas?"

"Oh…yeah…well uh…oops." Miharu grinned and then added a hopeful, "Please don't kill me, I-I have an idea! I'm going to blow up this tunneling system so no one will ever find it again!"

"You're going to WHAT? Are you INSANE?" Neji hissed.

"Apparently I am, so if you don't want to blow up I suggest you leave." Miharu took out a small box with a button, to set off the many explosives stocked in the tunnel. She pressed it and the timer started to count down from 30 seconds.

"You're a lunatic." Neji scoffed and ninjaed away.

"Oh crap I should leave too!" Miharu ran but then the timer got stuck at 5 seconds. "Aw come on! Really now?" She smacked the timer and that's when it went at zero.

"Aww for fu-"

The explosion was so loud, that the wizards from Fairy Tail heard it. It was so loud, it broke One Piece and made it into Two Pieces.

"I can't believe she actually did it." Chiaki facepalmed herself and jumped in the trees to Konoha's gate.

"!" Miharu sailed right into some tree tops, crashing on the branches until she hit the ground.

"Ugh…I hope I didn't disturb some squirrel homes."

TOK

A pinecone hit her in the head. "Stupid squirrels…" She muttered. Helping herself up, she cried out in pain and looked at her ankle, bent out in a strange way.  
"Shit…I screwed up my ankle. Now how am I supposed to run away?"

"I should have known it was an idiot." Miharu heard a voice and looked up to see Sai smiling that stupid fake smile like he always did.

Miharu ignored him and began hobbling away slowly, but the black haired ninja jumped down in front of her. "I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's a whole team of Anbu out there…Tsunade has just about had it with you hahaha."

"Why? I haven't stolen from her stash of sake yet in a long time!" Miahru groaned, her ankle was starting to throb like hell.

"Yes, but it may have something to do with the fact that someone created a huge sinkhole under Konoha that stretches all the way to the Suna…and I have a feeling it's you." Sai smiled.

"Crap…..Please don't rat me out Sai. I had good intentions; I didn't mean to do it! Honest!"

Miharu heard some bushes rustling in the distance and turned to sai with wide eyes, "Please Sai! Help! I'll do anything! Hide me!"

Just then, a group of Hidden Leaf Anbu ninja-ed around the two. "Nakamura Miharu, you're coming with us. We'd appreciate it if you didn't struggle….Hokage's orders."

An anbu in the back muttered, "Giiiiiirl you in some deep shit."

Miharu bit her lip and hid behind Said whispering, "Help….me…."

Sai smiled at the ninjas, "It's alright, I'll do it myself."

"WHAT!" Miharu jumped back but fell, the pain from her ankle getting to her.

"Well alright then." The anbu nodded and jumped into the trees for their next victim.

Sai carried Miharu-to her resistance- and began jumping from tree to tree. "I'll hide you, only if you let me…play with your friend Chiaki for a day."

Miharu scowled, she didn't want to put Chiaki through that. "Just don't freak her out or anything….or act creepy man! Seriously enough with that fake smile!"

"Alright." Sai smiled.

**_End of flashback_**

"And then WHERE did we go? To the Hokage Manor! WHAT THE HELL SAI! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST YOU!" Miharu kicked the sand, and Naruto winced. "Well…at least it's not that bad…"

"Not that bad? Not that bad? I've been sentenced to work for Gaara-sama forever! FOREVER! It WOULD have been ten years, but because I argued that it was too much, she gave me TEN LIFETIMES! How do I do that? Be a zombie?" Miharu sighed at the thought of all that work.

"Um…one, it's "Kazekage," don't be so formal with him…and two, what's a zombie?" Naruto scratched his face.

"Er…it's like a ghost…but living." Miharu struggled for words.

"EEUGEUHE? A ghost? I-I don't like ghosts." Naruto shuddered.

"It was only an analogy Naruto….I'm not a ghost." Miharu stopped to see the canyon that led to the Sand Village.

"Looks like we're here now." Naruto grinned, "Haven't seen Gaara in a long time."

"I thought you said it was "Kazekage'." Miharu pouted.

"It is! But we're friends so I get to call him that! Eheheh." Naruto took a key from his pocket and unlocked the cuffs around Miharu's wrists, revealing a tan.

Rubbing her wrists, she mumbled, "I wonder what I have to do exactly."

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**So how was that? I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I did writing it. Comment/review and stuff IF YOU WANT. i'm not pressuring you. :D **


	2. Questionable Slime

**I think it's a good time for an update...yes? Thanks for those two follows lol**

**I don't own the characters from Naruto. **

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** Questionable Slime**

"Now don't try running away alright? It may look like it's just the two of us, but there are more in the shadows…just in case." Sai smiled and walked ahead in the canyon, the entrance to the Suna.

Miharu grinned and puffed out her chest, "Oh is it because of my awesome ninja skills? It's about time someone recognized how great I am."

Sai laughed a long and loud laugh, and somewhere a kitten died.  
"No, Lady Tsunade is making just sure since you're known to run away like a coward. Besides, you have as much skill in being a ninja as Naruto becoming Hokage."

"HEY!" Naruto yelled, "That is not true!"

Miharu smiled, "Thank you Naruto. At least someone understands."

"Miharu's skills may not be sharp, and she may mess up all the time-"

"Naruto I hope you're going somewhere with this…"Miharu growled.

"Seriously she's just bad, worse than me when I started to train!"

"Thanks Naruto. Really." The brunette's wore an annoyed expression now.

"And have you seen her train? It's just horrible ahaha! And don't get me started on the running over water lesson." Naruto put a hand over his face.

Miharu gritted her teeth, "I THINK he gets it Naruto. Now can you hurry up and get to your point and tell him how great of a ninja I am?"

Naruto raised a brow, "Huh? Oh no, he was right about you being a horrible ninja. I was just saying "HEY!" because he said I didn't have a chance to be Hokage, and everyone knows that I will be Hokage someday."

Sai let out another kitten-killing laugh and Miharu groaned.

As they walked out of the canyon, the sound of children's laughter was heard which came from a playground.

Miharu's eyes lit up and she looked over at the two ninjas opening her mouth.

"No." Sai smiled and continued to walk to Gaara's Manor.

"Awwww PLEASE?!" Naruto begged.

"Not you, fool, I meant her. She's a prisoner still, and we can't go and reward her with fun."

Miharu frowned, "But what if this is my last chance at an opportunity like this?" She put on a puppied eyed look and shot it at Naruto who couldn't help but tear up.

"Come on Sai! Let her have some fun before she serves her time!" With that Naruto nodded and pushed Miharu towards the playground.

"HECK YES! TIME FOR SWINGS!" Miharu ran to the swings which happened to be occupied by the sandvillage kids.

"Excuse me, may I have a go?" Miharu asked sweetly.

The little boy grinned up at her, a tooth missing in his front row and a bandage covering his nose, "Piss off old hag!"

Miharu's eye twitched and she grabbed the boy's shirt by the collar and yelled, "GET OF THE DAMN SWING!"

The children ran away screaming, "CRAZY LADY!"

And Naruto smacked his face with his hand, and called to her, "Miharu!"

"WHAT."

"Play NICE!"

"Well it's a little too late for that now!" Miharu called back; seeing that she had proved Sai right, she decided to follow them to the Kazekage's Manor.

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Two Sand Ninja stood at attention to the entrance, to which Sai explained the "guest" that had come to serve her time. They both scowled at Miharu as they entered, and Naruto swallowed hard in the darkness.

"This place gives me the creeps…."

Miharu nodded, "Yeah, I wonder why it's so dark in here?"

"No clue, well then we'll be going now! Good luck and tell us what happens so we can report back to Lady Tsunade alright?" Naruto grinned and quickly ran out the door, with Sai following behind.

"Wait guys! I DON'T KNOW WHERE ANYONE IS!" Miharu heard the door lock and she sighed.

Miharu stumbled about with her arms outstretched until her thigh bumped against a desk causing her to scream internally at the pain. A lamp flickered on revealing the face of none other than the Kazekage's sister, Temari.

"May I help you?"

Miharu whimpered clutching her thigh, "W-well, I'm uh…here to serve my time…or something like that."

Temari's eyes narrowed, "Oh right, you're the one that caused a sinkhole from Konoha to the Suna…yes we've been expecting you." Miharu swallowed, "What am I supposed to do exactly?"

Temari smirked, "You'll be our new maid, so that means cleaning our own rooms, this manor, cooking for us and so on and so forth…it says here for about "100 lifetimes" so good luck."

The brunette gaped, "Cook?! CLEAN?! BUT I HAVE A HARD TIME TAKING CARE OF MYSELF AS IT IS! And what about….what about the fangirls? If they find out that I'm taking their dream job, I'll be killed!"

Temari shrugged, "It's not my problem, should have thought about that before you decided to sink two villages to the depths of wherever." The blonde rang a bell and Kankuro came from the darkness, an annoyed look on his face.

"You rang?" He asked gloomily.

"Yes, you can stop being a maid now, even though it was fun for me. This girl here has offered her services to us."

Kankuro grinned, "Really now? I bet she's one of those crazy fan girls!" He looked at Miharu, "You just want to steal some of Gaara's clothes and do whatever weird things that you fangirls do."

Miharu blushed, "I- I have no such interest in that!"

Temari waved her hand, "Kankuro, just go and show her what she needs to clean. I'd have her start with your room first" She mumbled under her breath, "It's a wonder how I'm related to you."

Miharu followed Kankuro up what felt like stairs and a furry something with warm legs crawled over her foot, "Why are the lights off?"

Kankuro stopped in front of his door (she thought) and chuckled, "You'd keep the lights off too if knew how trashed this place is."

He opened the door and flicked a switch revealing the most disgusting room Miharu ever laid eyes on. Dirty clothes caked with sand were were stacked in one corner, chopsticks and left over food was in another, and in the center was a big pile of Kankuro's puppets with questionable slime on some of them.

The brunette stood there, shaking slightly, "The puppets….you play with them don't you?"

Kankuro's face flushed red and he sputtered, "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. JUST...JUST CLEAN." He quickly pushed Miharu in the garbage dump of a room and shut the door.

Of course, she landed right on the pile of the sticky coated puppets.

"FUCK EW! THIS IS DISGUSTING! IT'S ALL OVER MY HAIR DAMMIT! AND HOW DO I CLEAN WITHOUT CLEANIN SUPPLIES?!"

The door opened again and Kankuro threw a few rags, trash bags, and a bucket with water at Miharu's face. "Good luck with the fan girls!" he called out before locking the door.

The brunette jumped up to catch the rags but missed on the bucket which smashed into her face. "Ugh….if I wasn't RPing this would really hurt….I wished I listened to Chiaki. This is lame!"

She opened a window for air, and saw Naruto and Sai still waiting outside for news of some sort to report back.

"HELP ME NARUTO!" Miharu screamed. Sai looked up and smiled that fake smile of his, while Naruto grinned. "HAVE FUN!" To the girl's dismay, the two leaf ninja left, leaving her behind with this horrible mess to clean.

Miharu started on the clothes, separating them from colored to whites. Some of them were so filthy she wasn't sure if it had once been white or not. Pulling out a few magazines out the way, she noticed one with the cover title as "XXX HOT KAGE'S OF TODAY" and a rather suggestive picture of Tsunade and the Mizukage twirling around each other.

"Well this explains the puppets that creep Kankuro..." She shuddered and flipped to the page of where someone had depicted a gender bent version of Gaara, noticing that this page was also sticky.

"OH GOD PLEASE BE SODA!" She chucked the magazine in the garbage bag and grimaced, "Kankuro's a perv..those puppets aren't puppets-they're other_ kinds_ of ninja tools! That is just wrong Kankuro. I can't help but fear what Gaara's room will be like."

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**Kankuro's a perv x-x Anyway, comment/review if you would like :D **


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